Meet Zandria Seesalot: Time-Traveling Truth-Teller or Just Another Wise Weirdo?

Zandria Seesalot isn’t your average mystic. She’s part clairvoyant, part cabaret commentator, and fully fed up with the state of things (but in the most entertaining way possible). Born somewhere between a crystal ball and a TikTok scroll, Zandria peers into the future to dish out advice, warnings, and wild observations — especially for Gen Z, who she lovingly roasts while trying to save.

She’s not on stage in Crumpet to Crackers — she beams in. Literally. Through the magic of multimedia, Zandria offers cosmic insights and biting truths straight to the audience and across the internet. One minute she’s channelling planetary wisdom, the next she’s ranting about AI boyfriends or the return of low-rise jeans.

Is she helpful? Occasionally. Hilarious? Always.
Zandria’s job is to say the things your aunt won’t — but your inner voice thinks loudly at 2 a.m.

Catch her in the show. Follow her on TikTok. Just don’t ask her for Lotto numbers — she’s already used them for snacks.